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There are many qualities that people look for in a leader: the ability to see what’s going on, a high level of self-awareness, the skill to motivate and inspire others, good communication and listening skills, the ability to see the big picture and bring others along.

One thing that isn’t often in the ‘top 10′ skills, interestingly enough, is the ability to manage conflict, to create conflict and to resolve it. Like most people, leaders are also guilty of avoiding conflict like the proverbial plague or sweeping it under the carpet till there’s a big huge lump, or simply hoping it will go away.

Now, there are some famous leaders who seem to take pride in their aggressive approach to conflict. Alan Sugar is a good case in point, who, in his introduction to The Apprentice, says he’s the most belligerent person they’ll ever meet. Goody.

And indeed, some people really do thrive on conflict, almost to the point that you might think they couldn’t actually exist if there wasn’t some conflict in their lives on an on-going basis.

We’re not talking about those guys. No, the leaders we’re talking about are more like you and me: the ones who would like everyone to get on with each other, never get pissed off, never raise their voices or stomp around in a huff, never get offended or have their noses out of joint.

Welcome to never-never land.

We’re going to go out on a limb here and say that we believe that most of the major problems or crises in any organisation (aside from political shenanigans, back-stabbing and empire building) can be traced back to conflicts that weren’t handled at the very beginning stages. Conflicts where there are no early interventions tend to escalate at an alarming rate.

Let’s say two people on your team don’t get on very well and you become aware of an atmosphere, a tension that you can’t quite put your finger on. As a leader you might ask each of them, “Everything all right?” And you might very likely get, “Yes, everything’s fine.” So you walk away, not quite convinced, but there are too many things to do, and why can’t they just be grown up enough to sort it out between themselves.

Next thing before you know it, they no longer speak to each other; they will probably start looking for proof of how incompetent the other person is; they might start spreading rumours or little snippets of gossip about the other person. Others on your staff will be asked to take sides. Get the picture?

As a leader, it isn’t good enough to ask, “Is everything all right?” Far more effective, if you’re going to manage conflict as a leader is to say, “I can tell things aren’t all right, so I need to get to the bottom of this pretty quickly so we can get on with the business of the business.” Or words to that effect.

Whether you’re a leader running a large multi-national or a small company, or leading a neighbourhood association or church group, it’s all right to feel like jelly inside when having to handle conflict. We’re not talking about you feel, but how you behave.

To make a substantial difference wherever you are a leader, manage conflict early and your life, and your organisation’s life will thrive.

About the Author
Jo Ellen and Robin run Impact Factory who provide Leadership Training, Presentation Skills, Communications Training, Leadership Development and Executive Coaching for Individuals.

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Leadership and Conflict

There are various laws and policies with which a manager should understand. As a manager, you should be prepared to handle conflicts and violence in the workplace. In addition you should also be familiar on how to deal with employee morale and motivation, absenteeism, low performance quality, and conflict between employees.

Sometimes it is easier to realize what you should do in resolving conflicts in the workplace. Employees should be not be treated as children but as adults where management supervision must be applied. An employee’s self-esteem can be affected in a restrictive workplace if conflicts and concerns are not handled properly.

Here are some conflict resolutions and management tips that can help you make your responsibility easier.

1.You should be understanding and be open to your employees. Take each individual’s personality as you find them.

Make sure that you lend time in interviewing their skills and personality as your primary basis in hiring an employee to avoid mistake.

2.Remember to take each employee differently and with the same treatment.

The basic needs should be treated with each employee. However, those needs should vary from employee to employee.

3.You should create a positive workplace environment that can finish tasks efficiently. You will see that rewards and goals arte achieved according to the team’s efforts.

4.Do not take your employees for granted.

They should realize their roles and their worth to the company. This will install a competitive and high morale individual that can work in a competitive level.

5.Always remember the great impact that you have on your employees’ lives.

Take time to interact with each employee to build trust and confidence. Be aware of your communication style and attitude approach on how your employee will react positively or negatively.

6.Remember to tell words that employees would like to hear in a workplace.

Always say “please and “thank you” to create an environment of respect and make sure that each that is achieved is complimented.

7.Always reward an employee for every accomplishment and contribution on the company.

You may develop a behind the scene award specifically for those exceptional employees whose performances are not usually in the limelight.

8.You can volunteer to do less desirable work task for a day for your employee.

Always offer a new perspective in a specific situation in arranging and resolving lesser task disputes in the workplace.

9.You may encourage innovations and new programs for your team.

Learn to identify and improve on the work process to create a motivational approach to rejuvenate energy and a high competitive level of performance. Every dispute and conflict in the workplace can be resolved by applying these conflict resolution and management tips. Always make sure that your main goal is to solve issues in a peaceful and a constructive approach. Resolution is always a good option in all conflicting situations.

About the Author
Dave Poon is an accomplished writer who specializes in the latest in Human Resource. For more information regarding Conflict Resolution In Workplace please drop by at http://www.humanresourcesite.com/

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Conflict Resolution in the Workplace and Management Tips

Over the years I have come across several tools that will put a dollars and sense value on the matter of workplace conflict and the importance of its resolution. There are several assumptions in each of them, based on academic studies as well as national, international, and industry averages. They calculate the cost of replacing person “causing” the conflict, the number of times you must do so each year, and many other relevant factors.

In the end you can come up with an amount of money, the ACTUAL HARD DOLLAR COST of workplace conflict in your organization, that is overwhelming. So overwhelming in fact that many business owners will decide not to believe the numbers.

Instead, they end up taking the attitude that it is easier to deal with the miserable situation they’re in than it is to figure a way out of the cycle of conflict that surrounds them.

Or, and this is the case with most family businesses, they can’t get rid of the trouble makers anyway – because they’re your kids, nieces, nephews, uncles, aunts, etc. so it’s better not to even undertake the exercise in the first place.

We live in such a microwave environment that we have come to feel, in most situations, that if we can’t see how the problem – whatever it is, can’t be fixed instantly, then its not worth the trouble. And since you know you can’t “straighten out” your nephew immediately you just shrug and try to deal with him as best you can.

We fail to remember that it took years, decades sometimes, to get in the situation we’re in – so it follows that it will take time and effort to get out of it.

Instead of giving up and living with the conflict, even if it is just the nagging continual low grade stress caused by continual friction – stop and consider that you and everyone around you will be living the rest of their lives in the future you are creating today.

If you won’t confront the matter now, you will spend the rest of your life trying to “manage” it.

In my experience the folks who are causing all the problems are not necessarily bad people. Ok, some of them are and since they were dropped on you because you’re their uncle or something – you will have to do the best you can even when they are worthless jerks. It’s not like they’re going away or anything.

So, what can you do? In most cases it’s a simple process. Simple because it is pretty straightforward and something you can often do for yourself. But it may be far from easy, especially if the individual(s) causing the problems have become so isolated as the problem themselves that they feel an obligation to keep stirring things up. Crazy isn’t it?

One time I was meeting with just such a person. I told him that based on my experience with people like his uncles that if he did not get on board and work with them to design a future they could all live together in, that it would bring down the business.

His response, “I know what you’re saying Wayne” told me the future of their enterprise. He understood my words, he was a bright guy after all, but he was not going to change. Six months later his aunt send me a clipping from their local newspaper announcing the sale of this seventy year old otherwise successful business. It was tragic for everybody.

What about your company, what is the cost of workplace conflict there? It’s possible to detail the dollars and sense cost, but that may not be enough to get you to take action no matter how much it is. You may be saying to yourself that even with these costs we’re still doing fine financially so why rock the boat anymore than it already is?

What about the quality of life costs to everyone involved? What about the psychic and emotional cost of wasting time dealing with the results of the conflict? What about the lowered job motivation and reduced productivity created by the conflict and its effect on everyone touched by it?

What about the cost in terms of production and performance when people take sick days when they are not sick, just in conflict. The resulting loss of productivity is the same whether or not the person missing work is the one causing the conflict or the one effected by it.

Have you done this, restructured the business around the problems or the people “causing” them? This is a frequent tactic with family businesses when the offender can’t be fired. The result is a sub-optimized organization with extra steps being added to the process, making it all the more difficult to sustain growth and profitability.

No matter how you try to remove them from the loop, they still figure out how to insinuate themselves into the situation in ways that cause problems. And if you are still able to be successful, they end up taking the credit for it.

Now if these are not enough reasons to get up and do something about the workplace conflict at your place, perhaps this will.

Often the most devastating cost of conflict comes from the degraded decisions that are being made, by the person “causing” the conflict as well as the innocent bystander. People who make the decisions in your business must have all the honest well considered input possible, in order to weigh the options, consider legitimate alternatives, and come to a conclusion.

If the process is being sabotaged with faulty input on purpose the decisions will be flawed. If the person making the decisions has a hidden agenda even though the input is accurate they can still make bad choices for the business.

Imagine the results if a decision inflates your overhead by twenty percent? Or if your profit margin is reduced by ten percent? In every business there are key decisions being made routinely that dramatically impact the future of the business. Normally we believe that they are being made honestly based on the relevant information. What if that’s not the case? What if someone feels that this is there chance to get back at you?

Are you motivated to do something now? Ok, let me tell you how I work, because in most cases you can do it yourself.

The first thing I do is talk to everyone – individually, confidentially, and in private. And that included the spouses. What I am looking for is to uncover what is really important to each of them? What they want the future to be for them and their family. This is pretty simple but sometimes very hard to do because they may never have thought of things in these terms.

However when enough effort is put into figuring out and articulating what’s important, people often begin to see that since the business is the vehicle for them to achieve their objectives, the conflict and disagreements that negatively impact it – hurt them too.

In the process of isolating what’s important I look for their opinion of the situation currently. As they talk about the way things are now, in light of their own future goals and objectives, they may begin to see the reasoning and importance of the way things are being done. Or not. Either is Ok, as long as we get it out in the open.

Parenthetically, most workplace conflicts center around “how” things are being done rather than “what” is being done, so when people align their thinking around where they want the business to take them, they often become less hung up on doing it (whatever ‘it’ is) “their” way. It really does become them as a group against the problems and challenges in their way – versus carping about each other’s styles and techniques.

Once each individual has had their say it’s time to put together a picture of what everyone says they want the future to look like – considered as a group. In my three decades of experience helping family businesses through this process I find that at this point there is far more agreement than disagreement.

Following this round of individual meetings a group meeting is held. This is often a tough one because even though each person has bought into the idea of looking forward together, there will be attempts to bring up past perceived slights and justification for previous behavior. It’s important that whoever is facilitating this meeting keep it focused on the future rather than the past.

At this point it’s time to determine what’s possible based on the goals of everyone. This is where I typically want their traditional advisors, attorney, accountant, life insurance agent, involved. These are the people who will create the documents that will guarantee that the desires of the family are achieved.

If you bring them into the discussion too soon their recommendations may reflect the wishes of one party or another – thus the conflict continues. Also they will not have the benefit of having each person’s desires clearly stated – so they can weave the wishes of everyone together to create a result everyone can get behind.

Once the documents are in place to guarantee the commitments everyone has made about the future, the conflicts of the past can be forgotten and the conflicts of the present and the future can be eliminated.

When everyone is in the boat together and everyone is depending on everyone else to keep rowing toward a common destination – how you (or they) are holding your ores just won’t matter.

About the Author
Wayne Messick is the publisher of articles to help you grow your business at www.iBizResources.com/article_directory/ If you are a business owner wanting to leverage what you are already doing right visit the Peer Groups area of our website.

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How Much is Workplace Conflict Costing Your Company

There is no doubt that filing chapter 13 bankruptcy will effect your mortgage, but the question is what will it do? When you file, it will remain on your credit report for up to ten years. During that time, every time that you apply for any credit, from a home mortgage to a car loan to a simple credit card, the lender will see this on your credit report and will then need to decide if in fact they should give you credit. In many cases, the answer will be no. When it comes to purchasing a home, this large commitment may be that much harder to get.

Options For Individuals

But, there are options for many people who are in chapter 13 bankruptcy or have found themselves with the ability to pay for a mortgage but have this black mark on their credit history. Buying home when you are in this situation will be tricky. Here are some tips to help you through.

�There are lenders willing to work with individuals who are capable of paying their mortgage on time. Although you have this black mark on your history, some lenders will still work with you if you have a good history of steady income. Unlike a credit card, people are often more aware that they need to pay their home payments before anything else because it only takes one behind payment to get into foreclosure. Lenders realize this and some will offer payments to individuals in this situation.

�Do anything and everything you can to build your credit history. Yes, you have bankruptcy on it, but you still need to insure that you are a good risk. One way to do this is to make your payments on time. This is very important to lenders. If you have a car payment, make sure that you pay it on time every month. The same goes with any credit cards you may have.

�Work on your credit score. To improve your credit score, you’ll need to work hard. Pay off as many of the debts that you still have because this will improve your credit to debt ratio, a big number for lenders. Another thing that you can consider is getting a credit card. Now, you will find that these are very costly, but having just one that you pay off completely every month can really help you to re-establish your credit worthiness. Relief will then come in from lenders who see that you have pulled yourself together again.

Refinancing

What about getting refinancing mortgage while in chapter 13 ? This is often a difficult thing as well. For many individuals, refinancing is just what they need. Here’s why. Refinancing re-starts your loan so to speak. So, if you have been paying on it for five years, it will lengthen the loan back to the original number of years but in turn, the payments for your mortgage are lowered. This can really make a huge difference for individuals who need the money monthly. You’ll find that lenders in NH and various other locations do just this for you. There are many companies willing to work with those who are in chapter 13 bankruptcy.

About the Author
Susan Dean is the webmaster and publisher of http://www.stop-house-foreclosure.com Visit her site for help to stop bankruptcy.

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Chapter 13 Bankruptcy How It Effects Your Home

Well, that’s a good question! Only you can decide whether or not this will work for your particular circumstances.

Robert is engaged to Janet. They’re planning on getting married in a few months. Janet has several pieces of property, numerous investment accounts and is worth millions of dollars. She’s been dating Robert for almost five years prior to his proposal of marriage. She’s decided that she wants a prenuptial agreement prior to marrying Robert, but, is unsure how to tell him. Janet doesn’t want to hurt Robert’s feelings, but she knows that she should protect herself prior to marriage.

Ginger and William are getting married early next year. They’ve been dating for six months. William owns several businesses, properties and other investments. His net worth is two billion dollars.

He loves Ginger with all his heart and trusts her. William has told his attorney to start working on preparing a prenuptial agreement for him and Ginger. He has been trying to figure out how he’s going to tell Ginger about the prenup without upsetting her.

You say that you have assets such as property, retirement ,savings, and other investments that you would like to protect. You don’t want your assets to be part of the marital pie. You trust your future spouse but still want to protect the assets your have acquired before the marriage.

You’re just not sure how to discuss this subject with your future spouse without possibly offending them. Here are five tips on what you may want to tell your future spouse:

1. Your accountant is recommending that you keep your assets before the marriage separate. Blame it on your accountant!

2. If you have children from a prior relationship, you may want your children to have the assets you acquired before the marriage.

3. You just want to protect your assets prior to the marriage in case of future problems with the marriage.

4. Your assets before the marriage may be for a relative or beneficiary that you want to benefit from your assets.

5. You simply want the both of you to start fresh and develop your assets together as a newly married couple.

Don’t let the issue of a prenuptial agreement be a deflator to your relationship and create a level of distrust. Explain in detail to your future spouse the reason you would like a prenuptial agreement and everything between the two of you will probably work out in the end just fine.

If you decide that you want a prenuptial agreement with your future spouse, make sure you ease into discussing this subject. You know your future spouse’s feelings and emotions better than anyone else! You may even suggest that you both have a prenuptial agreement.

About the Author

Nocita Carter creates websites with tips on various subjects including personal finance tips for youhttp://www.personal-finance-tips-for-you.com

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Should I Have A Prenuptial Agreement Before We Get Married

Many believe mistakenly that only affluent individuals should be concerned with leaving wills. If you care for your family and dependents, leaving your will or testament shall ensure that theyll be taken care of even after your death. Whatever money, assets and benefits you will leave behind shall go directly to the persons you care for the most.

1. What is a will?

A will is a signed written document that contains directives from the testator or testatrix regarding the disposition of his estate or possessions. The executor of the will, designated by the creator of the will, shall be the one responsible of ensuring that all terms and conditions of the testament are complied with.

2. What if you dont leave a will?

Bad things will mostly happen if you delay on making a will. No one can predict when death will come, so its better to prepare a will beforehand. If you dont, any of the following situations may happen:

Division of your property will depend on the decision of the government, and may be subjected to probate;

Your children may be given to foster care, if no legal guardian has been appointed and no relative is willing to take responsibility for them;

Any seriously ill dependent you have may not be given enough financial aid to fund for medical expenses

3. What is dying intestate and what does it mean?

When a person is said to die intestate, his property shall be divided in accordance to the law. This can happen in your case, not only when you havent made a will, but also when probate has been denied for your will, or your will didnt provide COMPLETE details about the distribution of your property. As a lot of complications can arise from dying intestate, its entirely crucial for you not only to make a will, but to also do so properly.

4. What is a valid will?

The will must be in writing its very rare nowadays for a court to accept a verbal will;

You must be of legal age if not, you must have proper legal counsel while creating your will;

You must be of sound mind the validity of your will can be challenged if anyone deems youre mentally, emotionally, or psychologically incapable of making sensible judgments about the distribution of your property;

Signatures You must affix your signatures on the proper places, and in the presence of two valid witnesses;

Witnesses There must be two witnesses for a will to become valid; anyone who stands to gain from your will cannot qualify as a witness; lastly, they must affix their signature in your presence.

5. What must a will contain?

While there is no prescribed format for you to adhere to when making a will, you must however make sure that your testament contains the following information:

Personal Details This includes but is not limited to your name and present address

Revoking of Previous Wills If you had made any will or codicil previously, your new one must include a statement declaring all previously made wills or codicils are now null and void;

Appointment of Executor/s You must appoint certain individuals to become executors of your will; choose those whom you deem utterly trustworthy because theyll be given total authority over the distribution of your estate upon your death;

Distribution of Estate Details about the distribution of the estate must be as specific as possible; Residuary Clause This section will ensure that distribution, in the case you have overlooked any part of your estate, will still be in order;

Signatures Yours and the witnesses signatures are necessary to make the will valid.

6. What is a probate?

Probate is a legal procedure that sometimes occur for proper distribution of the estate of a deceased individual; the probate court will then be given all rights to divide the estate as it deems fit. It is essential to probate the estate when the will contains any extraordinary condition; any will that doesnt give the deceased individuals spouse any rights or properties on the estate is a good example of a case where its necessary to probate the estate. Probate is a very costly process that can last as long as a year, or even more. To avoid your will being subjected to the decision of the probate court, you can opt to make a living trust instead. For the best results, always consult your lawyer before making any decisions about your will.

About the Author
For more great probate related articles and resources check out http://probateplace.info

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Understanding Wills And Probates

Most everyone has heard of using a prenuptial agreement to protect personal assets. In fact, prenuptial agreements are often created to decide how current and future monetary assets, the home, and other property will be split between the two parties in the event of a divorce. Prenuptial agreements are not, however, always about the two people getting married. Often, they are also about other important people in the lives of the engaged couple, as well.

With approximately 1/3 of first time marriages ending in divorce, and 50% of subsequent marriages ending in the same fashion, it is becoming increasingly common for one or both parties to already children from a previous marriage. Therefore, a prenuptial agreement is an important way to protect the children who will inevitably become involved in the marriage.

One issue that should be addressed in a prenuptial agreement is: who will inherit the couple’s money if both should die? Another important concern to consider and address in a prenuptial agreement is: how will the biological children of one party be affected if that person should die? In other words, if Bill has two kids and he marries Lorie, what will happen to Bill’s kids if he should die? Will Lorie continue to provide for them? Or, will they be left to fend for themselves? Of course, no parent wants the latter for his children.

A step-parent has no legal obligation to care for children after the death of the spouse. Therefore, a prenuptial agreement can ensure that the children of the biological parent are still cared for after the parent’s death. Issues such as inheritance and life insurance, and who the beneficiaries are of both, should be included within the prenuptial agreement. Therefore, a person with children who is getting married should consider a prenuptial agreement in order to secure a strong future for the children.

Children are not the only people who can be affected by a divorce. Other family members and business partners can be, as well. If Beth owns a family business, which has been passed down for generations in her family, she can protect the family business with a prenuptial agreement. Since a prenuptial agreement has to be fair to all parties, Beth will most likely need to “give” something in return in the prenuptial agreement. The peace of mind knowing that the family business will remain in tact, and stay within the family, is well worth the trade off.

In a similar fashion, business partners can be protected with a prenuptial agreement. If Tom and Scott have worked over the past five years to create a successful business, and Tom is about to get married, the business and its assets can be protected by the prenuptial agreement. This not only protects Tom, but it protects Scott, as well. Without a prenuptial agreement, Tom and Scott’s business could potentially be torn apart by a divorce.

A prenuptial agreement can also help protect the parents of one of the partners who are about to get married. For example, if Cindy has parents who are ill and need to be cared for, Cindy could have it included in her prenuptial agreement that her parents can live with the married couple to be cared for. Similarly, she could have it included in the prenuptial agreement that the couple agrees to pay for care for Cindy’s parents in a residential nursing facility.

Prenuptial agreements may not seem “romantic,” but they are a realistic part of marriage. Creating a prenuptial agreement forces couples to look at potential problematic areas beforehand and come up with solutions that work for both parties. Prenuptial agreements also help ensure the financial security of both people who are about to get married and, more importantly, they help protect the ones they love.

About the Author
Hannibal Whitestone makes it easy to find out if a prenuptial agreement makes sense for you. Visit Prenuptial Agreement Info today and get the facts… because you’re worth a lot more than you think.

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Prenuptial Agreements to Protect the Family

I am a psychologist and marriage counselor in the Woodstock-Cary-Algonquin-Lake in the Hills and Crystal Lake area of Illinois. I find that there are 11 signs that indicate you or your family members would benefit from counseling when going through a divorce or separation.

What are these signs?

1.A relationship that is characterized by numerous arguments and conflicts that are disruptive to the emotional status of family members

2.A relationship which is saturated with strain, bitterness and tension just below the surface

3.When the talk of separation causes fear and anxiety in family members which significantly degrades the quality of daily life

4.The childrens uncertainty and worry about which ones will remain in the family home and which ones will re-locate

5. Children experiencing excessive stress, agitation, acting-out or conflict about being separated from a parent or sibling

6. Parents who should be separated but are still living under the same roof because of logistical or financial problems, thus causing increased coldness and estrangement in the home

7. Conflicts, arguments and frustration caused by a seriously compromised lifestyle engendered by financial stress caused by the expense of operating two households

8. Symptoms of acting-out, depression, anxiety, fear, rage, substance abuse or poor school performance in family members

9. Anger, bitterness, arguments and frustration caused by having to accommodate new step-parents, step-children or step-siblings

10. Child management and discipline problems that result from single parenting or lack of cooperation from the ex-spouse

11. Children that appear to be experiencing some guilt or anxiety for the marital failure

If you experience any of these issues, you can benefit from counseling. But if you begin, what can your counseling accomplish? How will it benefit you?

1.You will learn how to nurture your kids and reassure them that they are still loved and not responsible for the marital discord.

2.You will learn to develop flexible living arrangements that meet your kids needs.

3.If you and your partner are still living together, practical and clear guidelines will be set-up to keep the situation from getting more toxic.

4.You will discover how to integrate new additions to the family resulting from remarriage or cohabitation.

5.You will develop a plan for cooperative parenting that keeps you and your former spouse on the same page so conflicts can be minimized.

6.Your children will learn to accept the break-up as independent from anything they have ever said or done.

7.Your therapist may prescribe daily affirmations or motivating thoughts so that your subconscious mind really believes that you do not have to worry about the separation. When your subconscious believes it, your everyday mind will follow and the anxiety will disappear

10.The therapist may prescribe some articles or books for you to read about surviving divorce and ask that you select relevant concepts to discuss in your counseling session.

11.Your therapist will likely help you to develop an awareness of your fear of independence triggers and constructive ways to manage them.

12.You may be asked to write about how your unsatisfactory marriage contributed to your anxieties and those of your family members and how your divorced state may enhance your emotional recovery and that of your children.

13.Your therapist will assist you in developing insight into any personal or career changes that may be needed in order to maximize the success of your newly separated living situation.

15.You may be encouraged to increase your awareness of how your upbringing may have affected the way you behave in relationships. Often a traumatic past may linger or even lurk into your present, thereby encouraging a pattern of dysfunctional relationships.

16.In helping you to manage a traumatic past, your therapist may help you identify the role you played in your family of origin, the feelings associated with it and the way it may impact your current or future relationships.

17.The therapist may help you to identify self-defeating patterns relevant to the way you operate in relationships and suggest ways of modifying them so they are not repeated.

18.You will identify sources of ongoing support and reassurance to help you in effectively curtailing and managing your anxiety about starting anew.

About the Author
Dr Shery is in Cary, IL, near Algonquin, Crystal Lake, Marengo and Lake-in-the-Hills. He’s an expert marriage counselor and psychologist. Call 1 847 516 0899 and make an appt or learn more about counseling at: http://www.nextdayappointment.com

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So You’re Going through a Divorce! Should You Get Counseling?

There are a variety of different marriage “groups” out there. As you discover your group, you will be better able to determine if it’s the group you want to be in for the rest of your life, or if some adjustments are in order.

Convenience Marriage

When you got married, you were genuinely in love with your spouse. However, as the years rolled by and your time was taken up with jobs, children and other activities, you grew apart. Now you are in a marriage of convenience.

You rarely see each other, and that’s okay, but you do wish you shared more than just the expenses of a household.

Just as it took time to grow apart, it will take time to grow back together. Fear not, all is not lost if you are willing to put forth the effort.

Start slowly by finding time to spend with each other and rediscover how wonderful your spouse really is. Take an interest in some of the things that interest your spouse, find some common interests to develop with each other; just start spending time together.

Look for opportunities to plan a special activity or date that will help you get reacquainted.

Abusive Marriage

An abusive marriage is one where you are physically or emotionally abuse by your spouse. In many cases, this is a learned behavior from their childhood. Therefore, it can be unlearned with a lot of counseling and love.

No one should be led to believe that they belong in this group, everyone deserves a non-abusive marriage relationship.

Work on getting help for you and the abuser. If they are unwilling, then you need to get help dealing with the situation. It’s important to realize that if the abuse continues, then your only choice may be to leave the relationship.

Status Marriage

“Didn’t she marry well?” was heard by many of the guests at your wedding when you have a marriage for status. Yes, it’s important to marry a man that will provide for your needs. However, if you marry someone strictly for money or status and have nothing else in common…you’ll soon find that money isn’t everything.

What do you do if you fall in this group? It’s never too late to discover things about your spouse that will endear your heart. Try to look for the good things your spouse does for your and your children. Thank them for those good things and encourage them to give of their time and not just things.

Take time to get to know your spouse and develop a relationship that is based on deeper things.

Invisible Spouse Marriage

The invisible spouse marriage is one where you or your spouse are so busy with either work or outside activities, that you never see each other except passing at the front door…if that.

There are some jobs that require a lot of time away from family. There are also people who give more time and effort to their job than their family.

This may be due to a false sense of loyalty to their employer or their desire to be the number one guy/gal at work.

Additionally, there are many great causes out there to affiliate your time and talents with. However, if it is as the expense of your spouse and family, then it’s too great a cost.

Whatever the reason for your invisible marriage, it’s time to stop and figure out how to reduce your outside time and increase your together time.

At first it will seem like a great sacrifice. Yet as you work together to figure out what things to streamline and what things will help grow your marriage, you’ll be surprised at the joy that will return to your relationship.

Enduring Marriage

These are the marriages that we all dream of, the ones where you see a sweet older couple hobbling down the sidewalk hand in hand and smiling.

These marriages don’t happen by accident, they happen by positive, daily, consistent effort. It takes work to have an enduring marriage.

A marriage that will endure financial hardship, illness, troubled children, heart breaks and more is enduring because the couple gets through all these difficult times by helping each other through them.

Rather than saying, “Why me?”, they say, “Why not me?” and work together to get through the current challenge. They have the ability to get through these difficult times because the have built up a storehouse of happy memories, experiences and they trust each other to the end.

They have laughed together, cried together, played together and worked together. They know they can always count on each other and that is what makes and enduring marriage endure.

This marriage is possible for each one of us, if we’re willing to put forth the daily, weekly, monthly and yearly effort.

So which group are you in…and do you want to stay there? It’s never too late to change groups…it just takes love, courage and a willingness to try.

About the Author
Beth Young is the Senior Editor of the leading marriage advise web site, MarriageAdvise.com. To download your free ebook titled, “101 Marriage Secrets” visit http://www.MarrigeAdvice.com.

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Five Types of Marriages…Which Group Are You In

The decision to get married is a big one in anyone’s life. Nowadays, it is common for people, men and women alike, to secure themselves a career and a stable financial background. No one wants to be poor, and everyone wants to provide for their family. This method of thinking is very positive, producing quality families that are self-reliant and responsible.

With the responsibility of marriage comes the forethought to the marriage. No, I’m not talking about rings and wedding receptions, I’m talking about financial security for both the parties involved. If you are one of these forward thinking people who are entering into marriage only after having secured a good career with a solid income and a secure financial portfolio, then you need to consider the other securities about marriage.

Think of marriage as being similar to a contract you sign with your employer. You sign this contract promising to provide certain services, different levels of employment and responsibility, things you can do, things you can’t and won’t do. This is common in the workplace to sign these types of contracts. Marriage should be entered into in much the same fashion, with forethought and planning about who is responsible for what and when, where, how and why. If you enter into the contract with x-amount of assets, you should be entitled to leave with the same number that you came with, plus half of whatever you and your spouse accumulated together.

This may sound like you are splitting hairs with your spouse and you’re probably afraid that your spouse will think that you don’t trust them. It’s not about trust. It’s about responsibility for yourself, your actions and protecting yourself from the actions of others. Likewise for your spouse, a prenuptial agreement will cover their assets as well as yours. Everyone wins, no one loses what isn’t rightfully theirs and your marriage starts out with the boundaries set regarding these sticky financial issues.

The real truth is that your spouse will likely be happy that you brought up the idea of a prenuptial agreement; chances are they are thinking of the same thing. It’s only fair to protect ‘what’s mine is mine’, especially when you have worked so hard to achieve these things.

As a fiscally responsible married couple, or couple about to be married, it’s only fair that you are both upfront and honest with each other about your full intentions before you say I do. These discussions do, at some point, have to include finances. Who exactly is going to be responsible for the payments on the mortgage? Are they to be made equally? Who is going to front the money for the down-payment? If only one person is fronting the money to purchase a house, is that money considered a ‘marital asset’ or does that money essentially belong to the spouse who originally fronted the money? This is only a very slight glimpse at the questions you and your spouse should answer before the ‘do you promise to honor and keep her…for richer or for poorer…until death do you part’ question comes up.

Notice that “for richer or poorer” is mentioned in wedding vows. When the person performing your wedding ceremony asks this question, you and your spouse can both honestly answer “I do” if you have a prenuptial agreement, because you have already talked about the tough stuff. You can now sit back and enjoy your marriage to it’s fullest without any of the worries that will have been washed away with your prenuptial agreement. Both of you can sleep easy, and live fully, by signing an agreed upon prenuptial agreement.

About the Author
Hannibal Whitestone makes it easy to find out if a prenuptial agreement makes sense for you. Visit Prenuptial Agreement Info today and get the facts… because you’re worth a lot more than you think.

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Prenuptial Agreements Protecting Your Financial Security